1:1 Meetings. Endure or Love?

Two Patriotic Benches

Ever felt like meetings are just a sophisticated way to waste time? I’ve been there too—especially with a manager who spent the entire time venting about my colleagues. But let’s talk about the kind of meetings that actually matter if done correctly: the one-on-one meetings. When done right, these gems can transform your work, school, and home life.

The book … uh ... I mean abstract … this idea came from is “Glad We Met: Mastering the Art and Science of One-on-One Meetings” by Steven G. Rogelberg

In my quest to save anyone I can from reading management books, I endured another abstract for you. Ten or so minutes of my life I will not get back. After my study of this abstract, I will personally take a pass on reading this book. That should not be taken at all as a review. I’m too nice of a guy to knock this book without actually reading it. It may be a perfectly good book. I just don’t see the need for more details around the points made on these few pages. I’ve mentioned before that I am not a fan of most business or management books. I actually hate almost all of them. In general, there are one or two good ideas hidden in 300 pages of cliches, redone ideas, and dull, self-serving travel logs.

The 1:1 Meeting:

I want to be nice, but I’m not impressed with the list of items in this abstract/book, and I have to assume they did their best to pull the salient ideas from the book. I wish we didn’t need another book to tell us to “plan your meetings,” “hold regular 1:1s with employees,” and say, “thank you.” However, I will say from the state of many of my 1:1 meetings over the years, we actually might. As depressing as that is.

One-on-one meetings are private, scheduled conversations between two individuals. They can take place in the workplace between managers and employees, in schools between teachers and students, or at home between family members. According to Steven G. Rogelberg’s book, these sessions are powerful tools for effective communication and relationship-building. Here are some key insights from the book:

• Maximize Your Approach: Take the right approach to make the most out of these meetings.

• Follow an Agenda: The most productive consultations occur between managers and their direct reports and follow an agenda.

• Communicate the Need: Tell your team members why one-on-one meetings are necessary.

• Weekly Sessions: Conduct weekly sessions with the individual members of your team.

• Plan Ahead: Plan your meetings’ location and what questions you’ll ask.

• Stay Positive: Share mutual priorities, cover new material, ask for feedback, and say, “thank you.”

• Ensure Success: Regular one-on-one sessions help ensure your success as a leader.

“Research finds that about a billion business meetings take place daily worldwide. If 20% to 50% of them are one-on-ones, that’s somewhere between 200 and 500 million of these sessions every day.”

In my experience these can be dire:

I once had a manager whose idea of a one-on-one meeting was to spend the entire time complaining about my teammates. - by name. Anything from drinking habits, to how to fire a woman who just had a baby “since she can’t do that job with a child at home.” Yes, that conversation did happen. Needless to say, those meetings weren’t productive. On the flip side, I’ve also experienced the power of well-structured one-on-ones that left me feeling motivated and clear about my goals.

Benefits of 1:1 Meetings When Done Correctly:

1. Workplace: One-on-one meetings enhance communication, boost morale, and provide personalized feedback. They create a safe space for employees to voice concerns and for managers to offer guidance and support.

2. Schools: In educational settings, these meetings help mentor students, address individual student needs, and foster a supportive environment. Teachers can provide tailored advice, and students can share their challenges and achievements.

3. Family: At home, one-on-one meetings strengthen relationships, resolve conflicts, and ensure everyone’s voice is heard. They offer a platform for open communication and mutual understanding. I suggest they should be much more informal, but still important.

Tips for Effective 1:1 Meetings:

• Preparation: Have an agenda and set clear objectives for the meeting. Know what you want to discuss and achieve. The person calling the meeting is responsible for the agenda, but they should always have input from the other participants.

• Active Listening: Be present and attentive. Show that you value the other person’s time and input. Let them talk about themselves. Be authentic and honest. Ask for candid feedback and offer your own. Never break confidences.

• Follow-Up: Summarize the discussion and set actionable items. This ensures accountability and progress.

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.” (Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.)”

Conclusion: One-on-one meetings could be invaluable across many areas of life. When done honestly, with planning, and for compelling reasons, they can promote effective communication, build stronger relationships, and drive success. If you feel you need it, consider reading "Glad We Met" for more in-depth knowledge. If you do, let me know how it goes. I will not be reading it.

My advice - next time you think about dodging a one-on-one, try to make it more worth your time. What is missing? How can you be more honest and authentic and talk about things valuable for both parties? How can you improve the meeting even if you are not the one calling for the meeting? When done well, they can make a big difference in your life. When not . . . well then maybe we should all dodge them.